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Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

‘Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breath out.’ Those were the words that I had floating through my mind, as I sat in the waiting room. ‘Breathe in, breathe out.’

My heart was thumping, keeping in time with my knocking knees and my blood pressure had probably sky rocketed, while I sat there. Deep breaths in and long lazy breaths out.

Waiting rooms are notorious areas for silences, where magazines are out dated and every new arrival gets the once over. Then there is that one child that always seems to have their volume turned up, with a fresh set of batteries, causing them to bounce all over the place. ‘Keep breathing,’ I say to myself, keep breathing .’

Visiting the dentist has always been a stressful event for me. Ever since I was a small child and had this elderly gent, with nicotine covered hands and the smell of cigarette smoke, shoving his fingers into my mouth.

Then came the time I needed an extraction due to overcrowding. I don’t know if I was ever told what was about to happen, but suddenly a black rubber mask seemed to pin me to the chair and trauma set in. I’ve been a big sook ever since.

Finding a nice Dentist has been a battle. Someone who understands my fears, without trying to max out the credit card with fancy dental work, has also been an issue. Last week I met Dr Amanda *** she was young, respectful, understanding and compassionate.

She has not completely changed my feelings towards dentists, but I have already made my appointment with her for six months time. I’m sure my knees will still knock and my breathing will still be laboured, but I will keep at it.

I guess my point to all this is to say, we should not put off all those important visits that relate to good health, due to fear and a bad experience. There is a great victory to be won, when we overcome our fears.

If you are overdue any type of medical procedure, perhaps it is time to make that appointment.

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Tomorrow is D Day and I was still undecided.  Should I go for it and give it a go, or put it off for another year?

I registered three weeks ago and have been reading all the comments on Facebook and Twitter but nothing seemed to be spurring me on, or creating an excitement. All I’ve been sensing is my current commitments, the daunting work load and a 50,000 word mountain of my waffle.

As I deliberated over this, I asked myself some tough questions and the answer that seemed to keep bouncing back is one of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that I would not be able to keep up with the work load, fear that life would drop its bundle and have me racing off in another direction. Fear that I may even succeed and then need to go the next step to rework and edit. The small, four letter word, having the unique ability to hold me back and consume me.

Then a friend sent an email. Apparently only 10% of the people taking part in the 2010 NaNoWriMo completed the assignment. Suddenly the expectations I’d been placing on myself shrivelled up, I could do it and sit comfortably with the 90% that gave it a go. Or perhaps, just possibly, for one of the first times in my life, come out in the top 10%.

I was not going to be back in a classroom, with a teacher breathing down my neck, pointing out my faults and telling me I’d not amount to anything. There was no sports field with hurdles, long jump or relays to embarrass myself in. Just a web site, with a very large data base and a worded marathon to challenge my time management and focus.

What’s stopping me?

Nothing now……..

© Sandie’s Snippets 2012

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