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Posts Tagged ‘saying no’

Well, I have survived chapters one and two and am now up to the third month of Cheryl Richardson’s book, ‘The Art of Self Care’. Bracing myself for yet another month of extreme challenges, I read the name of the chapter, ‘Let Me Disappoint You’. When I read the second paragraph there was no holding back, I burst out laughing, as it said I should aim to make one person angry every day.

WHAT, ME! Good old me. I’m a peace keeper, I don’t rock the boat, I keep a level head (well most of the time anyway).

It seems, as I read the whole chapter that my problem is all of the above. I do attempt to keep the peace, I agree to do things that are expected of me (even if I really don’t want to do them) and I control my responses, so that those around me will continue to like me.

In my defence, I would say I have improved over the years and only recently said no to my being nominated for a voluntary post, that would have been a position of honour. Once upon a time I would have grabbed it with both hands, seeing the role as an affirmation of my value and worth.

The whole chapter outlines how to disappoint people the right way without creating elaborate excuses. How to tell the truth with honestly, letting other people down with respect and care.

Boy oh boy. This is going to be an interesting month. I’d keep your distance if I was you, or you may find you’re on my hit list.

© Sandie’s Snippets 2012

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I thought I had the perfect post for today until I read and responded to someone’s Blog Post, and then answered an email from a friend.

A question was posted on-line asking about what should be done when a volunteer programme you are working on, doesn’t measure up to its expectations. When instead of being appreciated in your area of expertise, you are challenged, even criticised in your role.

Having done the roller coaster ride of voluntary work, I have experienced many of the emotional highs and lows of this experience. However this week I actually said ‘NO’, to a position that had the potential to promote me into the spotlight. I was even more surprised to hear words coming out of my mouth that expressed some of my deepest feelings.

When explaining why, I was able to say with honesty, that I have hidden within organisations, promoted their platform and glowed with their accolades, for most of my adult life. Now I feel it is time for me to be the master of my own journey, to use my deeply ingrained talents to discover my own form of creativity.

I am coming to the conclusion that for me, taking on these volunteer roles validated my personal needs, as well as fine tuned some of my skills and abilities. However on some occasions they have hindered the potential that is within me. Allowing me (very cleverly), to hide behind a position, rather than face the possibility of giving it a go and then experience the lessons and grief of personal failure.

This is what my ‘Purple Project’ has been all about I think. Not weight, diet, exercise etc, but allowing myself to become the real me. To come out of other peoples shadows, to take a risk and see what happens.

Writing in the public domain is not for the faint hearted and you need a very big umbrella, to stop drowning under the rain of critical comments. But most of the damage seems to come from within, from our very own doubts and fears.

My friends email came with a footnote from Albert Einstein. ‘Today’s problems cannot be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them.’

Well worth remembering, I think.

© Sandie’s Snippets 2012

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